“Pourquoi voyager? Je fais dix mètres dehors et je suis envahi de visions, submergé: je ne marche pas sous le ciel mais au fond de lui, avec sur mon crâne des tonnes de bleu. Je suffoque de tant respirer, rassasié d’air et de lumière. En dix secondes j’ai fait une promenade de dix siècles. La vie a une densité explosive. Un minuscule caillou contient tous les royaumes.”—Christian Bobin - Les Ruines du Ciel (via lovepoemsformydyingchild)
To live a life bound by the definitions of others is not really to live at all, because everything worth your attention is beyond words. Nowhere is this more evident to me than in what we call, for lack of a better term, “romantic relationships.” When the wordless love in you recognizes the wordless love in another (and, very obviously, it’s the same), then there is a profound chance for you to see the world as it is seen without words and concepts getting in the way.
When you’re lying next to your lover, just breathing, an incredible silence becomes evident. There’s a sense that words are out of their depth, that even to name the experience would be a violent act, because it would so obviously be untrue. You kiss and, maybe without even realizing it, you’re not sure which set of lips is yours, the boundaries are gone.
Yet, the common wisdom on “relationships” has codified them, made them an exchange of services, “I’ll prop up your habits if you prop up mine.”
When I was younger I thought I had to be in a relationship, because that is what our society demands of us, so I made myself very unhappy and physically ill chasing after people I wasn’t really interested in. But, luckily for me, I’ve always had a very strong sense of what is right for me. My body immediately lets me know when I’m not acting in accordance with my truest nature, and I suspect the same is true for others, no matter how well they might ignore it.
What the social-contract that is the stereotypical “relationship” is actually mirroring is something much deeper. It’s the truth of Oneness, which is what’s actually going on right now under all the noise that we get distracted by. And you certainly don’t have to “have a lover” to recognize this. I realized it by myself and was perfectly content to be alone, I no longer had any belief at all that I needed someone else to complete me. Then, very tellingly, someone suddenly appeared in my life and I realized the true potential of love between two human beings.
I am just as whole, just as perfectly myself, when I am with her as I am when I am alone. There are no needs that she has to satisfy, I have no expectations for her, just endless fascination and acceptance. She is free to come and go, she is free to leave me for another lover, it doesn’t matter, whatever she wants for herself is what I want for her.
But thoughts can be so incredibly unkind, I urge you not to indulge them. Love is a wordless experience, it is an opening to what’s actually going on here in what we call “life.” It is so totally open, filled with wonder, nothing untrue can survive it.
“If you are around people or energies you aren’t comfortable with, see them as offering you opportunities for spiritual growth by teaching you more about becoming transparent. The thoughts and feelings of people you have the most trouble harmonizing with are the very ones that will give you the most growth when you do learn to be transparent to them. That is why you have attracted these people into your life.”—Orin (via hip-)
“To live in the present moment is a miracle. The miracle is not to walk on water. The miracle is to walk on the green Earth in the present moment, to appreciate the peace and beauty that are available now.”—Thich Nhat Hanh (via elige)
Relationships do not deliver happiness. Relationships are vital to life. They fulfil our most important desires for growth and expression. Naturally we all aspire for human interactions that are fulfilling and enjoyable.
Yet… relationships do not deliver happiness.
I realise this is counter to what we’re told by every magazine, book and love song out there. And possibly counter to what you have looked for from your relationships up to this point.
It’s all a question of expectation.
If you are looking for a relationship to meet a need, fill a gap and make you happy then watch out. It is precisely this expectation that puts so much pressure on these human connections – especially those luvvy-duvvy ones.
When we expect (or even demand) a relationship to supply us with happiness, then we invariably shift the onus onto the ‘loveable other’. It is then their job to be good, behave as we wish, and make us happy.
What this does is immediately take the locus of responsibility away from us. Instead of taking responsibility for what we bring to the relationship we end up trying to control the behaviour of our partner so that they continue to deliver what ‘we need and want’.
If we spend all our energy attempting to take responsibility for what someone else brings to the relationship we will eventually run out of steam and so will the relationship.
Actually a relationship is an outlet for whatever it is that you bring to it. If you bring neediness, tension, stress and complaints then don’t be surprised if this is what you get back. If you bring energy, creativity, bliss and acceptance you will get it back.
So rather than being the source of our happiness, relationships are a purpose built vehicle for the happiness we have or have not.
Contribute 5% happiness and 95% misery and this is what will play out in the relationship.
Contribute 95% happiness and 5% misery and this is what will play out in the relationship.
Think of a relationship as a third entity in itself. It has it’s own personality, it’s own energy and it’s own lifespan that is based on what each person brings to it.
In this way it is always a reflection of the individuals who are a part of it. When we remove the pressure of expecting something for which the relationship cannot deliver, we free ourselves and our partner to engage in a natural and easy way.
We can shift our attention to what we are delivering rather than spending precious energy trying to control and direct what the other person is giving (or not).
“We are travelers on a cosmic journey, stardust, swirling and dancing in the eddies and whirlpools of infinity. Life is eternal. We have stopped for a moment to encounter each other, to meet, to love, to share. This is a precious moment. It is a little parenthesis in eternity.”—Paulo Coelho (via dirtcrumbgoddess)